When the Temperature Gets Turned Up

I’m lonely tonight. The people I stay with are out of town for the weekend, so the house is empty except for the two dogs and I.

I’m sick tonight. Started feeling strange last night around 6pm. Was so weak and dizzy that I felt nauseated. Slept for 12 hours straight, and woke up feeling weak, as if I’d been fasting for a couple days, but definitely felt better than the night before. By 6pm tonight I could barely put one foot in front of the other to take the dogs for their walk. A sore throat started coming on. I can tell I have a fever now.

I’m hopeful tonight. I am supposed to preach for the Spanish congregation tomorrow. And a lady I met here in the community invited me to her housewarming party in the afternoon. Sunday we have a craft night at the church planned. I’m supposed to pick up two of my friends from the community, and another one is coming by special bus in her wheelchair. I am supposed to be bringing all the snacks. Certainly God knows all this and will work something out if I’m too sick to do these things for Him. I’m hoping that the flu will hold off long enough for me to make it through the weekend.

I’m exhausted tonight. The last month or so has been extremely busy. My job here in Topeka ends Dec 20th. There are always so many loose ends to tie up. Have been trying to find people to take over the Bible studies I am having with people. I take someone and introduce them to my “student” and they inform me later that they will not be able to study with the student after all... And so I take someone else, and start the process all over again. When I’m not preparing for or giving a Bible study, I am doing some kind of footwork for an event the church will be holding. And then there are cover-letters to write for resumes to send to try to find a job for next year. And the company who changed my car’s struts did something wrong and this will be the second time I have to take it back for “fixing.” And the phone rings on and on...

I’m thankful tonight. In spite of the economy and the insensitivity of this generation, I am working in Topeka, Kansas by the generosity of donations from people who believe that there is value in helping the community and sharing the Word of God with others. I could be in any number of situations at this stage in my life. But God has so arranged that I am able to travel around and tell my story of how He has rescued me and how He is changing me from a proud, self-centered, introverted brat into someone who is being drawn out of herself, hurt by the needs of others, and humbled by my inability to help. I’ve learned so much in the last seven years I have been traveling. My 1996 “Little Red Chariot” is still running soundly at 190,000 miles (and I put 100,000 of them on myself in the last 5 years)! My former boss sent my resume to a prestigious church which is considering hiring me. Though I don’t have a degree, they think the last seven years of experience have qualified me for such a position. And I shouldn’t complain about all the phone calls I deal with; I used to be so shy that I was afraid to make phone calls, or even answer the phone!

I’m too blessed to be depressed or stressed. And too sick and tired to realize it.

Thankfully, God understands!

Knowing is the Difference

“You don’t know me like that!” I first heard that expression in Detroit, MI. The girl sounded irate and was basically telling the guy that he couldn’t treat her with such familiarity unless he planned to give her more exclusive attention. Her blatant challenge was also her heart’s desire. Who doesn’t want to be known, understood, heard, respected... loved?

It seems as though the Samaritan woman was just as forward with her challenge. And despite her brash demeanor, we discover that her heart’s desire was also to be known and loved. (John 4:1-43)

“Give me a drink”... I would like something from you.

“You don’t know me like that! Can’t you tell I’m a Samaritan woman?!”

The Samaritans had been Jews at one time. But invading forces had captured Samaria and intermarried with their people, “polluting” their bloodlines, and introducing pagan religions. These unfortunate people were now ignored and despised by the Jews. History records a resulting hate on both sides.

“You don’t know me!” was her response. And his comeback was intriguing: “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”

Jesus countered her, “You don’t know me! If you knew me, you would know that I have something to give you - a gift from God. You would be asking me for something.”

“Just who do you think you are?!” she retorts. She’s never met a Jew like this before! Of all the arrogant Jews she’s seen, this one takes the cake! He talks as if he is better than all Jews put together. He claims to bring a gift from God! Living water? Ha! He doesn’t even have a container to draw water out of the well for himself!

Jesus goes on to explain what he meant by living water. This “water” is a satisfying, a quenching, of the thirst of our hearts to be known, loved, and rescued from our situation. This satisfying water (relationship) would become a bubbling spring unto eternal life.

“If you’ve got such a thing, give it to me! I’d love to not have to come here to get water every day. I’d love to never get thirsty anymore.” She admitted that the offer sounded pretty good. But her words smell of doubt and sarcasm. She didn’t believe that this man could actually take care of her thirst. And she didn’t take up his challenge to get to know him.

But Jesus persisted with His offer... “Go call your husband, and come here.” The woman said, “I have no husband.” And Jesus said “You are right in saying you have no husband; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.”

This “arrogant” Jew, who she had never met in her life, told her the sad history of her life, a history that revealed her desire to be known and loved. He does know her after all! How does He know?! Who is this man? NOW she wants to know Him!

She regards him as a prophet (messenger for God) and asks Him a testing question of the day. The Jews say you have to participate in the worship at the temple in Jerusalem. The Samaritans set up their own counterpart and proclaimed that it is just as good to worship in the Samaritan temple...

Jesus, knowing that in a few short years these temples would be destroyed and useless said, “Believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know, we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews [The Messiah was prophesied to come from the family line of the Jews]. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is a spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

It wasn’t about where a person worshipped, but if they knew who they were worshipping! God is not a place, not a mountain or a building. He is a spirit: a person, a being, a relational Being at that. He is seeking people to worship Him “in spirit and truth” - from their heart, in truth, in honesty, in open relationship, open communication, knowing Him. Jesus pointed out that not location but knowing is the difference!

The woman responded with the only thing she could say she really knew: “I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When He comes, he will tell us all things.” She was counting on this Messiah to come someday and make everything right, tell all things, answer her questions... and this man was answering so wisely...

Jesus must have been so happy to let her know, “Yes! You are talking to Him! It’s me!”

The disciples came back from town with food and interrupted this conversation. The woman, still shocked and excited, left her water pitcher behind and ran to town to tell the people. And what was the evidence she proclaimed to them? Why did she think this man could be the Messiah? “Come see a man who told me all that I ever did...” He knows me! He knows me! He knows me, and yet He talked to me... The fact that He knew her made all the difference in the world to this woman. It caused her to want to know Him and to invite other people to know Him.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

How can we know that God knows us, unless we spend some time getting to know Him?

Flying Higher Under Constraint

My earliest memory comes from when I was about two years old. Grandpa Minikus bought a kite and took Dad and Mom and I half a block down the road to the empty lot next to the huge Council Bluffs grain elevators. The kite was a brightly colored plastic. The day was also bright, but chilly; and the wind made me squint as it blew in my face.

Grandpa must have really talked up this kite flying experience, because to this day I can remember the suspense! It was a serious business and things had to be done just right. Mom and Dad stood off to one side, and I was to run next to Grandpa. He put the wing braces in and laid the kite out on the ground, pretty side down. The instructions were repeated again. I was to run my little legs very fast next to Grandpa’s long-legged, polio-stricken walk. “Ready?... Set?... Go!”

I remember running over the muddy, uneven ground for all I was worth, until... “Toni! Go get my shoe!” Grandpa was somewhere behind me and he sounded panicked. “Shoe?” I stopped running and turned around. There was Grandpa trying to balance on one leg and reel in kite string at the same time. And there was his shoe, a step behind and stuck in the mud! I remember tugging frantically at the shoe and making my way through the mud to hand it to him amidst the breathless laughter of my parents and Grandpa, who somehow managed to keep the kite afloat during this whole escapade!

Flying a kite still holds the same sense of adventure for me today as it did back then. When I was in Vancouver, Canada, a church member took us to English Bay to fly his two handed kite. Has anyone here ever had an opportunity to fly a two-handed kite?That was really fun, and scary too! Sometimes it felt as if it would lift me right off the beach! Somehow I feel like I am flying free, up there in the sky, when I am flying a kite.

Dad shared an illustration with me about a kite that helps explain the following two verses. See if you can figure out how these verses can be compared to a kite:

2Cor. 5:14 For the love of Christ constrains us;

John 15:10 If you keep my commandments, you shall abide in my love

These verses sound rather restrictive. We can only stay in His love if we keep His commandments? Where is the freedom in this?

It sounds even worse when you look at the definition for constrain (to keep in, compel). The love of Christ keeps us in? compels us? Sounds like force! Where’s the freedom?

Think of how a kite works. There is wind to pull it away. Gravity that tries to pull it down. And a string to keep it in (constrain it). In order for the kite to rise high in the air and soar around “freely,” it must be kept tightly in with a string. If the kite gets loose from the string it will fly around up there totally free for a brief while. Then what happens? Yep, it dips and dives and eventually crashes into the ground.

God’s commandments are like the string. They pull us toward the One who causes us to fly free. The commandments restrict us for sure. We can’t do this, wear that, eat this, say that, think this, act like that...

I know for myself, it is really easy to avoid restraint. I will make up all sorts of excuses and reasons why I don’t need to follow this or that...

Do you ever feel restricted by the commandments? Guess what. We should! If we don’t, maybe it’s because we aren’t letting them constrain us. Maybe we have cut loose. Maybe we are deciding for ourselves that this is OK, God doesn’t really care, that would be Pharisaical, only the fanatics stick that close to the commandments, after all God wants us to fly free...

But we will only stay afloat for a little while if we choose our own way and cut loose. We need these restrictions. The restrictions are what keep us flying in freedom. The tight connection is not to drag us down but to keep us up.

It’s true the commandments do restrict us -- they restricts us from crashing! In this windy world of sin and deadly grave-ity, the only way for our kite to fly free is to be constrained by the commandments of God.

Good News!

The Doctor said she thinks Mom's lump is just a lipoma (fatty tumor)! They won't mess with it unless it keeps growing and becomes a bother. They only advised her to keep an eye on it.

What a relief!

Life feels all new to me now. I learned something through all this that changed my paradigm, and I think differently or something. Can't really explain it. Probably most of you have been through a similar situation that has changed your perspective on life...

I am thankful for the new perspective, and for the good news!

Indispensable

It is not what one does that makes them indispensable; it is who they are.

My Mom is going to a clinic this Friday to have them look at a lump she has had for about a year now. It may be a fatty tumor and not a big deal at all. But the number of relatives in our family who have died of cancer, and the fact that two people I know lost loved ones suddenly (literally overnight), and the “what if” game that I always seem to play in my mind -- all have combined to cause me painful thoughts and a lot of crying.

Of course I know that God is always with me and with my Mom. I also know that He is in control and doesn’t allow anything to happen that is not for our ultimate good. But that doesn’t mean that Mom will be OK and live forever. In fact, the reality of this sinful world is that she will most certainly die. It’s just a matter of time.

My selfish thoughts ran like this one night: “What would I do if Mom died soon? Who would watch out for me, send me care packages, ask if I am eating enough, spend hours on end helping me balance my checkbook, answer “female issue” questions, straighten out my emotions and hormonal thinking, give me that motherly advice... What if I met someone who wanted to date me and Mom wasn’t around to talk to? [Of course my Dad is there for me! But everyone knows that a Dad can’t be a Mom in such situations - and visa versa.] What if I got married and she wasn’t there to see? What if I had kids someday and Mom wasn’t around to ask advice from? How bitterly painful it would be to have so many things to want to tell her...”

The thought came to mind that God would provide someone to take that place for me. I know many women who would gladly do their best to be a mom to me. But this thought didn’t help AT ALL. No doubt God would provide someone to do the things a mother would do for me. But no one can be Mom! It isn’t what Mom does that makes her indispensable to me; it is who she is.

In this age of materialism, life is all about producing -- work, work, work, accomplish, succeed, make it happen... It’s so easy to be sucked into the thinking that it is what people do that makes them worth something. We even see this thought in the opposite end of the spectrum. Those who have done something terrible in the past are considered to be more worthy of resentment. We value people according to what they do instead of who they are.

Considering the possible loss of my Mom has given me a new perspective on the value of each person. It’s not what you do that makes you indispensable; it is who you are.

The Little Controversy

I Peter 5:8,9

I Corinthians 10:12,13

Hebrews 12:3,4

I Timothy 6:12

Psalm 108:12,13

James 4:7

Where I Stay While in Topeka

The Barelli mansion - doesn't look like much from this side. But it's nice!

The lake and fountain right outside the back door.

A visitor at the lake. I was so happy to see one of my favorite birds here in Kansas!

"My" bedroom is so pretty, quiet, and comfortable. I'm so grateful to have a peaceful place.

Dr. Tony Barelli, playing with his "boys" on his "farm" outside of Topeka.

Simon, he's all about retrieving! (Lucky, pictured in my bedroom, is all about eating. Lucky is getting up there in age.)

Simon, getting his shower so he can ride back to his city home.

Dr. Arla Barelli playing with Dehlia's cat while visiting our friends, the Llizos.

Mom riding with Dr. B in his "tank" at the farm - it's better than any amusement park ride!

Mom & Dad came to visit us in August. This is at the Barelli's 350 acre farm in the Flint Hills.